Too Much Perfection?

We took the wutz at lunchtime to see the movie Up. I came laden with packs of M&Ms, a bag of toy tractors (just in case), and a cold sippy cup. We were also required to take out a second mortgage on our home so that we could afford to purchase a bag of popcorn for him as well.

As is always the case, we arrived as the previews began and we fumbled our way to mid-row seats in the dark. The wutz settled into the middle seat and staked claim on the bag of popcorn. The crunching sound was tremendous, but it was obvious he was one happy camper.

The popcorn lasted longer than I expected. Approximately fifteen minutes. Then he was on to the M&Ms he saw me trying to sneak while he had his attention on the giant screen before him. I surrendered the pack of M&Ms to him and he devoured them as if he hadn't just done the same with the popcorn that cost him at least a year's worth of allowance. If he got allowance, that is.

The most surprising thing that occurred was that the wutz behaved! He sat and enjoyed the movie. And if he wasn't sitting, he was standing, peering through the seats in front of us so he could get a better view of the movie screen. He was also relatively quiet! Amazing.

It was a very cute movie. Not really my style, but I am still so glad we went. And I am very proud of my wutz for sitting through an entire movie!

The other day, I purchased a good bottle of Riesling. When I say good, I mean it cost more than five bucks. In other words, it wasn't no Boone's Farm or anything. But for the life of me I cannot recall what it was.

But I digress... as usual.

Once the wutz was in bed, DH and I decided that a nice glass of wine was in order and well deserved, so off we went into the kitchen to pluck down two wine glasses and fetch the bottle of Riesling and open it with the corkscrew.

Corkscrew?

Where is the corkscrew? No, seriously, honey... where'd you put the corkscrew?

Hellloooo? Corkscrewwwwww?! Where are you?

Nope. It was not to be found.

I know it was there the other day. The thing is, items alway seem to go missing in the exact frame of time when I actually need them.

I needed that damned glass of wine.

We then proceeded to get a little creative with our wine opening skills. We enlisted the help of a metal skewer, two army knives (minus the corkscrews, who doesn't put a corkscrew on an Army knife??), the stem of a cake mixer, a set of channel locks, and a pair of needle nose pliers.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, worked.

By then a good half hour had passed and I was in dire need of me some wine. So I did what any desperate wino would do. I drove the cork into the wine bottle and we both finally enjoyed a nice glass of cork-enhanced Riesling.

I am so sleepy. So much so, that I am terrified to even blink. I think if I even closed my eyes for a split second, they may fuse permanently shut. That is why I have been on the computer for hours. You know, if you are on the computer you rarely blink. So I'm just saving myself the trouble of falling into a zombie-like trance that includes incredibly loud snoring.

I didn't stay up too late last night. I was in bed before midnight, which is about normal for me. Or nothing late enough to illicit this sort of feeling from me today, at least. However, the wutz woke up at 4am and declared he wanted to go in the othe room which is what he calls the living room. I am not sure when I fell back asleep, DH claims the wutz finally stopped chattering around 5:30am.

You can imagine my surprise when my eyes flittered open to alight upon the alarm clock that read 7:02am. gasp I have to be at work at 7:30am and we live 30 miles from my office. Needless to say, but I'll say it anyways, I dove out of bed and did an amazing flight of the bumblebee to get dressed and get coffee poured. I flew out the door and pushed down on the gas pedal a little more than legal. Okay, okay. A lot more than legal.

I was still late, though. By 8 minutes.

Yeah. I got up, dressed, out the door, and to work in 38 minutes flat. *preens*

All that to say, I think my poor wake-up this morning actually prevented me from fully waking up.

I so so need my bed. Stat.

Right before Christmas there was a toy that the wutz was totally and completely enamored with in the stores. Every time he saw it, we had to go up and push the button and make the thing walk and do its noisy thing. I thought it was a cool toy, but there was no way I was going to spend the $130-something bucks to purchase said toy. Even for Christmas.

However, my father apparently had no qualms about adding it to the never-ending list of purchases he made for the wutz.

And I am here to declare that this over-priced toy is absolutely the best thing since sliced bread. Better even. It has no equal.



What makes this toy so special?
It is the fact that, though the wutz loved it in the stores, he is totally and irreversibly terrified of this robotic dinosaur. He shakes like a leaf if he even hears it turned on. Even if he cannot see the damned thing he trembles and instantly begins screaming like a chick running up the stairs in a horror flick.

And this is a good thing... why??
I know, I know. I shouldn't make light of my son's true terror, but it really has been the best solution I couldn't think of! Now, if I want the wutz to do something... or stop doing something... all I have to say is, "Do you want me to go get the dinosaur???" BAM! Mommy gets exactly what she wants.

I can completely and absolutely turn my little menace into an obedient little darling with that simple question.

And I ask it often.


I have no shame.

Ten months ago, I had PRK laser surgery done to correct my vision. Prior to the surgery, my vision was 200/400, I believe. I documented my recovery here on my blog, so today's update comes as no surprise to those that have been suffering through this Project 365 along with me.

Today I had my follow up visit. The Dr. dilated my eyes and checked the pressure, etc etc, blah blah. I now have 20/20 vision with no issues other than slightly dry eyes. Or at least that's what the doctor said. I can't even tell that my eyes are dry. So I'll simply take his word for it.

My next check up is in two years.


Yay.


Now if my eyes would just quit being dilated! I hate not being able to see well. Everything is still fuzzy. Hopefully they will be back to normal by tomorrow.

After the wutz was born, it became painfully evident that I needed to sell my Dodge Ram (yes, with a Hemi) and get something that allowed us to haul all the crap that is required when you have a baby. Including, but not limited to, the kitchen sink.

It was a sad day that I handed over the keys to my beloved blue Dodge and traded them for a set to my Expedition. We purchased New-to-You, because I refuse to buy New-New since it seems like such a waste of money. But I digress…

I found out that I love having a SUV. I love having the extra room. I don’t have to worry about rain, because there’s nothing in an open bed, as there often was in the truck! The third row seats are even electric and a push of the button makes them disappear so I can have plenty of room for the sink if I like.

I also love the bells and whistles. The navigational system is wonderful. The seats are leather and, believe it or not, very comfy even with the seat AC freezing my ass or the heater warming it. It gets decent gas mileage, about the same as the truck. And it drives well. Sort of.

Except when it shuts off unexpectedly. Which it did twice today. And it has done several times recently.

Just driving down the road, all of a sudden I realize my gas pedal is no longer serving its purpose. I glance down and the dashboard warning lights are lit up like a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. Then the steering is rendered all but useless. Finally I’m able to come to a halt, turn the key to off, turn the key forward once more and the engine cranks up with no trouble. No spit, no sputter, no complaint. It purrs like a kitten until it decides not to purr any longer.

Upon consulting Mechanic Google, I find that this seems to be some glitch in Expeditions. I spent the morning reading pages and pages of complaints. Great.

And to make things even better, there’s no recall for it.


I think I may need to send my Dodge a letter of apology. *sigh*

Since I've really nothing phenomenal (where the eff did the spell check feature on blogger go?) to write about, I am simply going to post a few Demotivators that I've saved because they entertain me. I'm sure some of you won't get the Parelli one, which just amuses me further.

Enjoy.

Congratulations to Calvin Borel for riding Rachel Alexandra first across the Preakness finish line! It may not have been the same horse he rode to an amazing victory in the Kentucky Derby, but it was still an amazing win. A filly has not won the Preakness since 1924.

Wow. You go girl.

Yesterday evening Twitter was alive with enthusiastic tweets about Dollhouse. Apparently, Fox Broadcasting has decided to order a second season of the show that had previously been on the chopping block.

I must say that I am absolutely thrilled the fans (myself included!) will be getting a second season of this fabulous show.

Thank you Fox. It is about time that Joss gets more than the short end of the stick.

More info can be found here.

Well, we made it to Friday. I'm tired. I haven't slept much all week and I stayed up late last night watching Season Finales. Grey's was great, btw! Totally perfect, I thought.

Anyways, I'm wiped and I know I've been boring lately, but hopefully I'll get over this writer's block soon.

Poor fella...


... And we all know who gave it to him.

Just a few random updates...

1. DH still hasn't found a job. Please keep us in your prayers because I'm starting to get a little nervous.

2. We still aren't TTC. *sigh*

3. The wutz still refuses to potty train.

4. I have no idea what we are having for dinner tonight.

5. DH was able to fix the serpentine belt that I slung off the car last Friday. It only set us back $100. Apparently, the belt was only $18, but the damage I did in trying to get it into a parking lot was way more than that.

6. DH is actually working on the trim in the laundry room! It's a project he started about a year ago. He's finally run out of excuses and other mini-projects. Yay!

7. I am hungry and I have no idea what to eat for dinner.

8. The wutz is starting to come out of the pinching and hitting phase that he got into while we were on vacation. Thank goodness. I wasn't sure which one of us was going to have the biggest fit over that behavior!

9. I only got about four hours sleep last night, so I hope I can get my ass to bed early tonight.

10. I'm planning on having a glass of wine soon to aid me with #9.

Hysterical.

Yesterday, DH and I had a wonderful day. My sister and my brother-in-law babysat the wutz and DH and I went to Tallahassee to go to a movie. We saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. It was pretty much a chick flick, so I enjoyed it, but DH claimed he did also, so that was good. After the movie we went to the Olive Garden and ate a wonderful early dinner. It was nice to sit down and enjoy an adult meal for once.

After dinner, though, we doubled back down Monroe Street and DH drove me to Bink's. Binks is a piercing place. It isn't one of those tattto-slash-piercing joints. It is exclusively piercing and the guy that owns it is a registered nurse. Or so the sign says. *heh*

We hopped out of Notta and went inside. We were met by Bink's apprentice, Marina. I chose the jewelry I wanted, filled out the paperwork and paid the fee to get my new piercing. Then Marina showed me into the room and I hopped up onto the table, which was basically the same table my gynocologist uses. Not a good sign.

I watched her as she took out the sterile equiptment, peeling open the wrapping on each tool and placing them on the metal tray beside me. I think this was about the time my heart started flying out of my chest because it was beating so crazily!

Then I made a mistake. I glanced over to the tray. The needle looked freaking huge. HUGE.

I stayed strong, though. I resisted my fight or flight instincts which were screaming inside my skull: Run. Run. RUN!

After Marina explained the process and made a mark for my approval she then inserted the metal stopper and told me to close my eyes if I needed. Then she told me to take a deep breath. I think I'd forgotten how to breathe. Seriously. But I finally remembered and I pulled in half a breath of air into my lungs when the needle sunk into my skin and completely pierced my nostril. In one swift movement Marina, the piercing goddess, had impaled me with the needle and threaded the tiny opal piercing into place.

It was surprisingly easy! And it really didn't hurt badly. It literally felt like a bee sting.

Now, a day later, I can definitely say I love it! I am glad I did it. Hopefully I won't get fired over it!

My parents saw it today, thanks to the Princess. She made sure they noticed it before we left for brunch. I made it through an entire meal without anyone noticing. It wasn't until we were in the parking lot preparing to leave that they noticed. And that was only because she kept clearing her throat and making gestures to her own nose. It was obvious she wanted them to notice something.

And they did.

The reaction and look on my mom's face was priceless. And hysterical. About 10 emotions washed over her face in the time it took her jaw to hit the pavement. My Dad muttered and told DH he should have put his foot down. Typical! DH didn't tell him that he thinks it is sexy, though. I guess that wouldn't have been the moment to say something like that anyways.

Fortunately, by the time we returned to my parents' house, they seemed to be over it. It wasn't really mentioned again. Thank goodness!

So now, without further ado...

My new piercing:



Please pardon the fact that I just got out of the shower and haven't a lick of makeup on.

So, while at lunch today I had composed this fabulously funny open letter to "MRSPETE" but now I cannot use it. I guess it is a good thing I only wrote it in my head. Which means there wasn't a whole lotta effort put into it. Fortunately.

See, what happened is this... I went to Belk's to kill part of my lunch hour. And what better way to kill an hour than shopping?!? Unfortunately, the parking lot was packed. I guess it is because half of the town was there shopping the sales for Mother's Day presents. I didn't need to shop for Mother's Day presents because my mother insisted on a present that shall come in a little blue box with a white bow. Yes. Seriously. But I'll save that for another post.

Anyways, while seeking out a parking spot, I spied a brand new Mercedes parked horizontally across two parking spaces. Lucky for me, there was a parking spot right next to MRSPETE-the-parking-lot-hog. I guess MRSPETE didn't realize that by leaving a space open by the nose of her car it wouldn't be immune to the massive Camaro car doors. I whammed open the door and watched in amused amazement as the Mercedes hood ornament went flying across the parking lot. Okay, that last part just happened in my head, but I was oh-so-tempted.

But it did inspire a wonderful blog entry about the rude crazy lady that either didn't know how to park or is such an anal twit she thinks a MRSPETE tag is classy and hoarding parking spaces saves the paint job on a brand new car she likely paid way too much for anyways. Until I got back into my car and cranked my baby up, backed up and then heard thwapthwapthwapthwapthwapthwapthwap. I managed to coast my lame car toward the parking spaces once more. Only to come to rest horizontally across two parking spaces.

Yeah. That part really happened. My bad.

Karma totally kicked my ass.

I guess I still haven't fully recovered from our vacay. I am still exhausted. To top it off, I woke up this morning with a swollen upper eyelid. Then the swelling continued until the corner of my eye and side of my nose was also swollen. The benadryl makes me sleepy. Being sleepy and unable to sleep makes me grumpy. Not to mention the arrival of AF. Nice.


Needless to say, I'm just a ray of freaking sunshine today.


Therefore, I am going to throw up a couple of bad pictures of our trip taken from my cell phone. Why don't I post quality pictures taken from my $800 camera? Well, I'll tell you why. I'm too freaking lazy to download them. So there. Take that!

I will. Someday. I promise. And you all know I never break promises.

*snort*

I have a migraine. And a sore throat. Could be be Swine Flu? Ermmm I mean, H1N1.



Sorry for no blog post, I'm TKO'd.

I have spent the entire day doing... nothing. Well, not nothing, I have tried to catch up on the television shows I missed during my vacation. And I've done a lot of putzing on the computer and attempting to catch up on all of the blogs I failed to read while I was away. Oh, and there was the hour long shower that I took, all the while ignoring the wutz battering away at the door in attempt to gain entrance, to which he failed miserably. And I do not feel one ounce of guilt about that, either. Not one.

After my shower, I did manage to make it all the way into the living room and onto the sofa. I caught up with a few more episodes before returning to the internet to do a whole lot of nothing. It has been exactly what I needed today, too. Especially since tomorrow means life will resume as normal. *sigh*

All good things must come to an end, I suppose.

We finally made it home. We arrived at La Guardia far too early, but were able to catch an earlier flight to Atlanta. But then our flight from Atlanta to Tally was delayed, so the layover was wicked long. Fortunately, the wutz held up until we got on the plane, then he fell asleep and slept the entire flight. Yay for that.

I am glad to be home. Will post more later. Pix, too.